End of Year 3

Alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah... alhamdulillah...
The highest and enormous praise to Allah, as He is the master of all sevants and without Him and His mercy I would certainly not be here where I am today, and you will not be there in front of the computer reading this humble post.

Yesterday the results of my final exams for my 3rd year of Medicine came out, and I passed my exams. Finishing this project I'm currently working on will mark the end of this chapter of my life as a 3rd year medical student in Leeds.

Congratulations to all who managed to achieve what they intended to get, who passed and also those who tried their best but Allah had different plans for them, and tests them more. Hopefully in whichever situation we are in, we will manage to get the best out of it, as the prophet Muhammad SAW said;

“Sangat mengagumkan kepada seorang mukmin, sebab segala keadaannya untuk ia sangat baik, dan tidak mungkin terjadi demikian kecuali bagi seorang mukmin: jika mendapat nikmat ia bersyukur, maka syukur itu sangat baik baginya dan bila menderita kesusahan ia bersabar, maka sabar itu lebih baik baginya.” (Hadis riwayat Muslim)

3rd Placement for 3rd Year Finish

oh well, oh well... it felt like it was just not long ago that I entered medical school. Now I'm already approaching the end of my 3rd year.~ time sure flies.

Tomorrow's the final day of my placement in surgery at Harrogate District Hospital. Next come the Practice OSCE, then another 5 weeks placement (with Easter holiday in the middle), then it's the final OSCE and Integrated exam (which I have yet to start revising for).

Meanwhile, there's 2 essays to finish up by the end of this month.
That's what's going on with me, thanks for listening dear diary. LOL

oh, this is a neverending journey that I signed up for! Sometimes it just sucked me dry that can't even bother to smile when I arrive home. Well that's life for you, you choose a path and get on with it.

Boneka

Permulaan penuh keajaiban
Kehidupan penuh persoalan
Pengakhiran belum ketahuan
Terus hidup dengan mencuba
Walau tak tahu apa akhirnya...


Baru start klinikal... Sy tak tahu ape2... memang dah lama perasan... But now i have to do something about it... Hehe...

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The stranger tour

Allah swt is the longest and the most important relationship in or life.

Why are we making Him a stranger to us?

16:18 four, should you try to count Allah's blessing, you could not count them.

3:160 If Allah should aid you, no one can overcome you; but if He should forsake you, who is there that can aid you after Him? And upon Allah let the believers rely.

9:40 ...when they were in the cave and he said to his companion, "Do not grieve; indeed Allah is with us." And Allah sent down his tranquility upon him and supported him with angels you did not see...

3:31 Say, [O Muhammad], "If you should love Allah, then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful."

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Anatomy... done?

Tribute to my faithful companion...

Today... I had my anatomy exam.which will be the last, as long as I pass it. If I failed, then there will be resit later in summer. But that's not what I wanna talk about.

Its fun when I first started to learn anatomy a few years back.it had always been one of the things that I looked forward to in medicine.now its kinda sad that its all finished. Its amazing how long out took, and I trust what I learned were a mere gist of the real deal.

I really learnt a lot from it.seeing how miraculous human bodies are its a constant remind of the Almighty. Each layers and compartments beautifully arranged, the vessels, small yet having such great importance for humans.every minne glans and cells exists complementing each others making this God's creation a piece of functioning being.

I had a great time...and I'll miss getting the smell of the preservative chemicals all over my clothes. And getting people making wierd faces when I walk near them after a dissection class.I'm gonna miss taking a bath, just to find the smell is still in my hands when I wanted to eat.I'll miss all the other details that might not be appropriate to be written here.

Till the time comes.
Starting clinical teaching soon.
Gonna miss lectures...NOT

Missing
Marvels
Machineguns (WHAT?)

M

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mari belajar

Exam dah dekat... Mari belajar :-)

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3rd year

It's already the first weekend of 3rd year. What an intimidating week. Partly because of the foreshadowing of the workload that's gonna come suck me dry. Partly because there's gonna be an exam in week 6, which means there's only 4 weeks left, before the exam week.

And partly because I don't think I am adequately ready to go through this academic year. Not mentally, and not emotionally. Why is it so hard to let go of things that I know will only be one of the many factors that are going to drag me down the hole. Why can't I be more objective in determining what's good and bad for me?

If I knew growing up will be this hard, and if I had the chance to, and if it is possible to, I would slow down my growth process. It would be really nice if I can go back to being the ignorant baby I was back then, when everything was right with my world and I would only be bothered when I feel hungry or uncomfortable of the warmth in my diaper.

Back to present time now, due to unforeseen circumstances, one of my housemates will be moving out of the house to another house. Although it is a stone throw away, it still isn't a pleasant thing. Especially when he's been my housemate for a whole year last year. But it has to be done, for the betterment of others.

My housemates this weekend (although it's only the first weekend this academic year) are around UK today. I went to the south somewhere near Southampton, one to Birmingham for an alleged "meeting", and another one is out of my radar. Think I either forgot to ask or it didn't register although I did ask. Probably the latter.

Thing's been wild. As the new house was like a hurricane-torn town when I arrived. Much has been done to "rebuild" it. Now it's waay better.

And, as usual, I've been collecting works to be done over the weekend, but I've been convincing myself (although it definitely untrue) that there are things more worthy to do in my free time. Like, browsing the internet, doing online shopping, and watching the new TV series like Grey's Anatomy and Big Bang Theory, or movies such as The Expandables. Yeah, life's been great. Amongst the whining I do about how LOADSABLYLOAADSS of workload I have. Well, to be perfectly honest, most of the work is going to occupy most of my time in the near future.

Sometimes I loathe people who tries so hard to show others how important and busy they are. Especially the ones who walks in front of others like a saint, but in reality isn't really. It's probably the satisfaction of looking down onto others by making themselves believe that they are a better than the others. Or the probably just like the attention that they get by acting all saintly and the praises that people say about them. Or It might just be the thought that other people seeing or knowing about their "bad" side is just unbearable. It is also possible that it's only me who are not very happy with others who are obviously better than me.

Enough to say I should be ready to take a leap of faith. And hopefully land on a mattress of a heap of cotton or feather. Well, the other outcome isn't that nice...

So, to summarise... I am really not in a stable condition... and I hope the sanity that I'm barely holding on to will stay with me for a while longer... and there's more works to come, so I better be ready. Thanks if you've read what I've been writing spontaneously out of my head. Do pray that the condition I'm in is going to turn for the better :)

cheers,
M

Back for my 3rd year in Leeds~

Alhamdulillah, after a long journey, Fer and I arrived safely in Leeds (although we almost became frozen food in front of his house, haha). So here's the story :)

We were supposed to board a plane at 10.15am (Malaysian Time). We got the the check-in counter when it was still open... but there seemed to be something amiss. Another friend who checked-in earlier told us the seats were nearly full when he did it online. So we waited. The staff attending the counter told us that the plane was overbooked, and we (Fer and I) can only board if they can find a seat for us (which already seemed unlikely even from the beginning)...

So we waited and waited, until the plane eventually left -_-"

So as usual, when denied boarding, the airplane company would shower us, the supposedly on-air passengers with gifts...

Well, in a way. It's kind of a blessing for us. Although we had to spend more money for the airport parking and wasted some few hours of our time while we waited for them to give the replacement flight and gifts... we got these in return:

- Breakfast voucher at the airport
- Hotel stay (5-star Pan Pac KLIA) until the time for the replacement flight, which was at 2am the next day. Meals included for passengers
- Our replacement flight from Dubai International Airport to Manchester Airport was a business class. So we got to try for the Business class lounge at the airport. We must have looked so lost there... :P
- A voucher for another free flight with the same airline for KL-Manchester~


Alhamdulillah, I guess it was a blessing in disguise~

- I got to meet my grandparents and uncles and aunt and cousin for it :)
- I got to see the first year students' first time flight. Reminds me of myself 2 years back. How everyone was brimming with hopes and expectation and spirit and dreams. It made me secretly vow to work hard for the coming years~


Like someone i know likes to say, "God works in a very mysterious way"...

There's always something to learn, so open our eyes wide when unexpected things happen, there's probably something we don't want to miss happening around us :)

Al-Hadid: 22-23
No disaster strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into being - indeed that, for Allah, is easy - In order that you not despair over what has eluded you and not exult [in pride] over what He has given you. And Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful -

i'll upload the pics later,k :)

Alhamdulillah

Syukur kerana Allah permudahkan urusanku dalam pelajaran. InsyaAllah panjang umur aku kan melangkah ke alam tahun 3 di Leeds. Runsing juga memikirkan dugaan dan cabaran yang bakal menyapa. But I chose this road, and I'm willing to be soaked in blood to get through this.

Cuti Summer menjelang tiba~ 3 bulan- tiap kali kusebutkat tempoh cuti ini, secara refleks semua orang akan mengatakan perkara yang sama, "paaanjanggnyeeeee". Iye, memang. aku x pernah nafikan. tetapi kepanjangan cuti ini juga membawa bersama dugaan dan cabaran, bukan sekadar kesenangan dan kerehatan.

I have to face it. we all should face it. time is valueable. we're not kids anymore. masa terluang bukan hanya untuk berehat2 bergurau senda. It will run out, eventually. and the challenge is to make the best out of it. I would really love to look back at the end of this long period of holiday and smile knowing that I spend it well and I spent it wisely. Almost all of my holidays, to date, at the end of it i felt quite regretful not having it spent in the right-ish way. Im taking the time off from UK & uni environment to try and reassess myself. tambah mana yang kurang. kurangkan yang terlebih. betulkan mana yang masih silap. kukuhkan yang sudah betul.

hoping for the best. hoping for a shift of paradigm, hoping to change into a better person... for myself, and for others.

change is hard. but hard is not impossible.

it's time to freak out, isn't it?

meeting tutor in 2 days...
with only around 2 sentences in my essay...
shoot~

where have i been?


keywords: tutor, essay, freak out! :S

welcome to the school of detective

although most of you readers might not know, im actually studying in a detective school, although they like to keep it descreet and call it by another name instead.

here:
-i learn how to "interrogate" by asking the right questions to "suspects".
-i learn to take note of things that others who didn't attend a detective school might just .
-i learn to make further investigations if im not sure of what had actually happened. or to make further tests to determine that my deduction is actually correct.
-i am taught to be observant and careful not to miss small details that might be the key in solving a case.
-during the training of becoming a certified detective, i had to hone my skills by practicing it on other detectives in training, simulated suspects, and also real suspects around the area.
-deductions can sometimes be easy, but not in all cases. i also find that it gets even harder the more i progress through the detective school.
-i also learn how to take precautions when doing my investigation so that i will not get what the suspects have, or carry around bugs from one suspect to another.
-it is not an easy task, as suspects sometimes cannot fully comprehend what we detectives say, thus we need to not use detective jargons when interrogating suspects.
-although it's very interesting, it is quite tiring to train to be a detective as it can suck the spirit and leave the body dry. i sometimes wondered why i chose to become a detective and go thru this rigorous training.
-i learn to use my senses in a better refined way. to hear what others can't hear, to see what others can't see, to feel what others can't feel, to use my limbs dextrously.


just trying my best to enjoy it every step of the way~
fingers crossed :)
palms open wide ~

brainstem... brainstem

ngahaha....

my lecturer showed this vid to get us all psyched up to learn bout the brain...

njoy!



oh yea... it's time for the brain~

12 types of med students

p/s: grabbed this from http://theunderweardrawer.homestead.com/scutmonkey.html. some1 gave it to me XD

Last day in Leeds for this academic yr~

sok... gerak London...

insyaAllah akan singgah menunaikan umrah sblm gerak ke malaysia...

nak balek...

huhu... td hantar zaki g train station... pasnih die x dtg leeds dah...

hmm...

hope everything will be fine...

umah pon hampir abih kosong macam 9 bulan lepas...

well...

Surah:103.Al-'Asr.
1. By time,
2. Indeed, mankind is in loss,
3. Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.

Alhamdulillah

result exam dah kuar harinih

alhamdulillah, pass!
alhamdulillah. sesungguhnya, apa pun keputusan, merupakan pemberian Allah. Usaha tidak bermakna tanpa izin Allah~

Al-Hadeed: 22. Tidak ada sesuatu kesusahan (atau bala bencana) yang ditimpakan di bumi dan tidak juga yang menimpa diri kamu, melainkan telah sedia ada di dalam Kitab (pengetahuan Kami) sebelum Kami menjadikannya; sesungguhnya mengadakan yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah.
23. (Kamu diberitahu tentang itu) supaya kamu tidak bersedih hati akan apa yang telah luput daripada kamu dan tidak pula bergembira (secara sombong dan bangga) dengan apa yang diberikan kepada kamu dan (ingatlah), Allah tidak suka kepada tiap-tiap orang yang sombong takbur, lagi membanggakan diri.

semoga ak syukur dan sabar, dengan apa jua yang ditakdirkan untukku... :D
masa untuk kembali ke alam nyata... terover maen game lak pas exam nih... isk3

M06L vid~ lalala...

plan, in trying to stop the vicious cycle of regret

hmm... biological clock. i've been sleeping and waking up according to UK's night and day time in the past few days. ^_^ [this has got nothing to do with the post]

so 2 terms have passed since I started my (so-called) university life.

cycle of regret (ain't it a nice name?): it's nothing really. just that i kept on regretting not giving my best shot at my studies, every time i finish an end term examination.

so, i came up with a plan...

nothing new though. just timetable. the problem is not to come up with one, it's with sticking to one. haha. well, i guess it's high time i start to nurture discipline in myself. i've been slacking off a little bit too much i think.

my masterplan is, to try out abiding a simple, not-so-strict (i think "so-not-strict" fits better) timetable during the holiday... and if successful (hopefully), I'll continue with the real hardcore (really?) timetable i made for term time.

just think it's necessary... or i might just get caught off guard again when the exam comes later... full year examination. anything from sep, which means i need to have everything in...

so... best of luck to me... anyone who's felt the same way after an exam might want to try it out too. it's works most effectively if there's someone to keep an eye on you and give you a good reality shake whenever you're slacking off~

persevere
persevere
perseverance (ring of health + void stone)


i'll end this with a quote i got somewhere (feel free to guess where XD):

being a friend means giving someone something they need even if they can't ask for it.
also means not giving up on him(her) when (s)he says "no thank you".

like the colours. thought of making all the letter "a" blue or green... but then i figured it's gonna take time... so i ended up colouring some random words...

why am I not panicking?

**took this from gray's

why should i be panicking?

1. there's an exam on tuesday. an important one which mean i should be revising. but instead i wasted most of my weekend doing something else. being a human, i'd really love to blame it on someone else who agreed to study together during the weekend... maybe the person forgot, or was merely saying but is not really interested in actually doing it, but hey, the onus is on me to study... so there's no point in playing the blame game, right. i just don't really like it when people don't to their words... or at least have the decency to actually tell me if you cannot make it. guess i'm just a petty matter...
2. i've not finished revising renal physiology and the anatomy practicals of the transport system. i've not gone through the self-directed learning and also the micrographs...
3. i'm writing a post for my blog which noone else ever read...
4. got a presentation on wednesday... and i'm suppose to finish my part and send it to my partner for her to look at it... but i haven't done it...


why am i not panicking?

1. could it be the remarks that i get from everyone that i told that i haven't finish doing my revision... it's usually either "it's you, nothing to fear"... or "yea, you just say that, but you'll score"... or "you're just saying that so that people will look up to you when you score the test later". no offence though, and no what they say are not true... coz well guess what... i am a human. nothing gets into my head except via the same route that they get into other people's head. i don't have a wireless or bluetooth to send information to my brain... although it would be really cool to have one :D
2. i have no idea...
3. could it be that my adrenaline gland isn't working properly? so my blood is lack of the fight or flight hormone... ergo, i'm too relaxed?
4. or could it be the brain that's not functioning well? any short-circuit? :P
5. the most probable cause is most likely myself... need some1 to nudge me. or just kick me hard so that i can get back to reality, where everything DOES matter!

hehehe

Time to get SERIUOS!

hehe. I deleted Warcraft 3 for the umpteenth time. Coz I couldn't help it and kept on installing it back into my green lappy! can't help it. the temptation's just unignorable.

it's 3.18 now... a.m., 8th of March. Just a week to go before the pre-spring break exam (fill in the blanks and spot test).

some1 made a remark about how long i slept during my supposedly revision session, and i can't seem to get it out of my head now. hehe XD. well don't worry about me, mate. hey I'm trying my best here... or am I not trying hard enough?

well. at this time, the most prominent sound is my yellow OSAWA "bell-clock", that have been serving my since my schooldays. and of course the sound made by my fingers as they straddle on the keyboard. occasionally i can hear a faint distant sound of someone talking. guess it's my housemate. perhaps taking to himself while memorising.

gaaaaahhh. im going to prepare for the exam. so i might as well continue, right? good day

Azam bulan baru XD

Surah Hud 11:115

وَاصْبِرْ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يُضِيعُ أَجْرَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
Dan sabarlah (wahai Muhammad, engkau dan umatmu, dalam mengerjakan suruhan Allah), kerana sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan menghilangkan pahala orang-orang yang berbuat kebaikan.

Harapan Tidak Buta - AlarmMe

Cukuplah rasanya. Sudah cukup banyak masa yang aku ambil. Aku datang ke bumi asing ini dengan 1001 harapan, dengan 1001 cita, dengan 1001 impian. Namun, memang biasa bagiku untuk mengambil masa yang agak lama untuk menyesuaikan diri. Aku lalui "testing period" sebagai pelajar di bumi Leeds ini. Cuba, walau melangkah dengan kecil, untuk mencari definisi kehidupanku di sini. Mencari erti dan tujuan, makna dan harapan.

Namun, tatkala aku mulai selesa, mula melihat cahaya2 kelam yang memandu arah tujuku, mula mendapat rentak menyesuaikan diri, ALLAH mendugaku. Ayah meninggal dunia.

Ali Imran, 3:185

كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَآئِقَةُ الْمَوْتِ وَإِنَّمَا تُوَفَّوْنَ أُجُورَكُمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ فَمَن زُحْزِحَ عَنِ النَّارِ وَأُدْخِلَ الْجَنَّةَ فَقَدْ فَازَ وَما الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلاَّ مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ

"Setiap yang bernyawa akan merasakan mati. Dan hanya pada hari Kiamat sajalah diberikan dengan sempurna balasanmu. Barang siapa dijauhkan dari neraka dan dimasukkan ke dalam syurga, sungguh, dia memperoleh kemenangan. Kehidupan dunia hanyalah kesenangan yang memperdaya."

Ayat nih selalu kudengar. Tetapi tatkala mendapat berita tersebut, barulah terasa di hati... Pang! Macam budak yang bari belajar berdiri, dengan kaki menggeletar2 ditendang jatuh. Aku rasa semuanya berhenti. Segala definisi dan prinsip2 hidup yang kukutip sepanjang kehidupanku bertaburan, berkecai. Aku hilang arah. Lama memang lama, aku terbaring. Tidak mahu bangun, tidak mampu bangun... aku sendiri kurang pasti. Semuanya kacau-bilau...

Pasti, perkara sebesar ini meninggalkan kesan dalam diriku. Aku mula berubah. Sengaja atau tidak, sekali lagi aku tidak pasti. Tertekankah? Atau cuma mencari perhatian? Cepat melenting, hilang semangat. Laptop menjadi teman rapat... Aku mula melihat kesan2 taufan perasaan aku... Teruk. Tapi aku biarkan... biarkan... biarkan...

Aku mencari masa, mengubat luka yang tak nampak fizikalnya. Mengumpul cebis2 yang pecah... memasang kembali satu-persatu. Memang lambat. Aku bukan semudah itu dapat bangkit. Aku tahu kudratku terhad.

Hari ini... Aku berhadapan dengan diriku. Menjerit dengan kuat, "CUKUP!!! SAMPAI BILA??? CUKUPLAH!!!". Kini aku berdiri lagi. Kuharap, dengan bantuan ALLAH SWT, dengan lebih kukuh. InsyaALLAH.

Alhamdulillah, syukurku pada Allah. Yang masih menghendaki kebaikan untukku dan tidak pernah melupaiku walau aku selalu terlupa...
Terima kasih: Keluarga dan rakan2 yang sentiasa bersama.