3rd year

It's already the first weekend of 3rd year. What an intimidating week. Partly because of the foreshadowing of the workload that's gonna come suck me dry. Partly because there's gonna be an exam in week 6, which means there's only 4 weeks left, before the exam week.

And partly because I don't think I am adequately ready to go through this academic year. Not mentally, and not emotionally. Why is it so hard to let go of things that I know will only be one of the many factors that are going to drag me down the hole. Why can't I be more objective in determining what's good and bad for me?

If I knew growing up will be this hard, and if I had the chance to, and if it is possible to, I would slow down my growth process. It would be really nice if I can go back to being the ignorant baby I was back then, when everything was right with my world and I would only be bothered when I feel hungry or uncomfortable of the warmth in my diaper.

Back to present time now, due to unforeseen circumstances, one of my housemates will be moving out of the house to another house. Although it is a stone throw away, it still isn't a pleasant thing. Especially when he's been my housemate for a whole year last year. But it has to be done, for the betterment of others.

My housemates this weekend (although it's only the first weekend this academic year) are around UK today. I went to the south somewhere near Southampton, one to Birmingham for an alleged "meeting", and another one is out of my radar. Think I either forgot to ask or it didn't register although I did ask. Probably the latter.

Thing's been wild. As the new house was like a hurricane-torn town when I arrived. Much has been done to "rebuild" it. Now it's waay better.

And, as usual, I've been collecting works to be done over the weekend, but I've been convincing myself (although it definitely untrue) that there are things more worthy to do in my free time. Like, browsing the internet, doing online shopping, and watching the new TV series like Grey's Anatomy and Big Bang Theory, or movies such as The Expandables. Yeah, life's been great. Amongst the whining I do about how LOADSABLYLOAADSS of workload I have. Well, to be perfectly honest, most of the work is going to occupy most of my time in the near future.

Sometimes I loathe people who tries so hard to show others how important and busy they are. Especially the ones who walks in front of others like a saint, but in reality isn't really. It's probably the satisfaction of looking down onto others by making themselves believe that they are a better than the others. Or the probably just like the attention that they get by acting all saintly and the praises that people say about them. Or It might just be the thought that other people seeing or knowing about their "bad" side is just unbearable. It is also possible that it's only me who are not very happy with others who are obviously better than me.

Enough to say I should be ready to take a leap of faith. And hopefully land on a mattress of a heap of cotton or feather. Well, the other outcome isn't that nice...

So, to summarise... I am really not in a stable condition... and I hope the sanity that I'm barely holding on to will stay with me for a while longer... and there's more works to come, so I better be ready. Thanks if you've read what I've been writing spontaneously out of my head. Do pray that the condition I'm in is going to turn for the better :)

cheers,
M

Back for my 3rd year in Leeds~

Alhamdulillah, after a long journey, Fer and I arrived safely in Leeds (although we almost became frozen food in front of his house, haha). So here's the story :)

We were supposed to board a plane at 10.15am (Malaysian Time). We got the the check-in counter when it was still open... but there seemed to be something amiss. Another friend who checked-in earlier told us the seats were nearly full when he did it online. So we waited. The staff attending the counter told us that the plane was overbooked, and we (Fer and I) can only board if they can find a seat for us (which already seemed unlikely even from the beginning)...

So we waited and waited, until the plane eventually left -_-"

So as usual, when denied boarding, the airplane company would shower us, the supposedly on-air passengers with gifts...

Well, in a way. It's kind of a blessing for us. Although we had to spend more money for the airport parking and wasted some few hours of our time while we waited for them to give the replacement flight and gifts... we got these in return:

- Breakfast voucher at the airport
- Hotel stay (5-star Pan Pac KLIA) until the time for the replacement flight, which was at 2am the next day. Meals included for passengers
- Our replacement flight from Dubai International Airport to Manchester Airport was a business class. So we got to try for the Business class lounge at the airport. We must have looked so lost there... :P
- A voucher for another free flight with the same airline for KL-Manchester~


Alhamdulillah, I guess it was a blessing in disguise~

- I got to meet my grandparents and uncles and aunt and cousin for it :)
- I got to see the first year students' first time flight. Reminds me of myself 2 years back. How everyone was brimming with hopes and expectation and spirit and dreams. It made me secretly vow to work hard for the coming years~


Like someone i know likes to say, "God works in a very mysterious way"...

There's always something to learn, so open our eyes wide when unexpected things happen, there's probably something we don't want to miss happening around us :)

Al-Hadid: 22-23
No disaster strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into being - indeed that, for Allah, is easy - In order that you not despair over what has eluded you and not exult [in pride] over what He has given you. And Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful -

i'll upload the pics later,k :)

raya and the aftermath.

On Eid (10th Sep 2010), in the morning during the salam2 session with my mother's side extended family, I got a text, saying...

salam aidilfitri dan maaf zahir batin depd tuan haji h***** dan 4 madunya: m*** k****, a** r******, r***** c** w**, dan f*****.

I have to cencor the names because I don't have their permission to put their names up here. Although I know it's from a friend and he's not yet married (as far as I know), it still made me think for a few seconds... before getting the fact that it's another fancy way of saying Eid Mubarak :). And i think the 4 wives are actors from a certain movie, probably. who knows?

Since I haven't sent any Eid wishes to my friends, I decided to make one. And comes up with this, with my best effort trying to make use of old time Malay:

Bersempena keberdatangan purnama syawal... hamba kepingin mengirim salam kemaafan andai hamba terkhilaf. harap tuan hamba sudi memaafkn kslhn hamba. -M*****-

Then I sent it to the numbers that I have, which is very few, in fact. Coz I got a new number after I went back for summer holiday back in June. And I left the old SIM somewhere...

Anyways, I got some interesting responses:

Two of them were too kind to make their own version of "archaic Malay" texts:

Beta maafkan. Beta juga mohon maaf zahir batin. slmt hr rya aidilftri.. xD

Wa syawal klasik melayu. Bgtu jualah patik duhai tuan hamba. Patik memuhun maaf sgala salah silap. Salam lebaram maaf zaher btin.

Some were kind enough to reply. And others were also kind to smile to the text (well, at least I hope so XD)


3rd day of Syawal, went to a cousin's wedding.

4th day of Syawal, travelled home to Johor and receive the honour of a friend's visiting. But he didn't bring any of his 'madu's, he came with his 2 younger brothers and 2 cousins.

5th day of Syawal. Went beraya to 9 houses (pari, izhar, nad, shakan, atip, haziq bakar, nado, yus, pjord, xde yg termiss kan? :P). with around 30 friends from SAKTI~


*************************************************************************


hmm... pejam celik pejam celik... tinggal 3 hari sblm pulang ke Leeds, bumi penjajah. Juga bumi tempatku menimba ilmu, secara formal. hampir 3 bulan di rumah. sebulan penuh Ramadhan di rumah...


mungkin ada baiknya kita tanya kembali diri kita, dalam sibuk2 menziarahi keluarga dan rakan2. apa kesan ramadhan pada kita...


-masihkah kita mementingkan diri dengan membuat extra lane ketika jalan sibuk dipenuhi kereta?
-mampukah menahan kehendak untuk makan berlebihan setelah sebulan berpuasa menahan dan mengawal nafsu makan?
-adakah berbeza tahap ibadah dan perhambaan diri kita pada Allah setelah menjalani latihan meningkatkan amal selama sebulan?
-adakah semakin cepat hati berbaik sangka walau dalam keadaan yang kelihatan seperti sebaliknya?
-berjayakah kita mengikis tabiat2 yg kurang elok spt merokok dan membuang masa?



(sorry for the long pictureless post. I'll upload it later when I can grab hold of them XD)

7 September

***

2008, must be before i went to leeds in september~

"Munzir nanti, kat sane tu, jangan lupe pasal ilmu2 agama sekali. buat la hafazan dan belajar apa yang patut. nanti dah habis belajar, lagi xde masa. kalau nak tunggu habis belajar, kemudian tunggu kerja, tunggu berkeluarga, sampai bila2 nnti akan tertinggal pasal akhirat. kita nih hidup ada tujuan yang lebih besar," lebih kurang ujar ayah. bersahaja, tetapi penuh bermakna. aku dah ayah sedang memandu pulang ke rumah, tidak ingat dari mana, pada hari tersebut.

aku mengangguk, tanda faham.

***

15 nov 2008

ayah visited my blog here and he dropped a comment.

"Salam Munzir,
It's nice to c your blog for the 1st time.. at least ayah hope Munzir is coping well. If u have any problem, don't hesitate to email to ayah or mama, we try to assist in watever way we can.
If Munzir happen to go to Sheffield, ayah wonder whether the Islamic Centre is still at No. 10, Severn Road, Sheffield. It is here that ayah had spent about a year staying here during my 1st year. So did Prof. Dr. Abd. Rashid (CMU) who stayed here for 3 years.
Lastly, take care and dont 4get to attend any program during holidays to fulfil our obligation towards Dakwah, another obligitory assignment that we always put aside.
Salam sayang from ayah, mama, kakak, abang & Firah di Msia...
Wassalam.
Ayah"

***

11 jan 2009

Ayah passed away. I received the news from a phone call. as I was in Leeds at that time.

***
7 sep 2010

Ayah would've been 52 today. The man i looked up to in life, and the person i will always remember, all the time. insyaAllah, ak akan cuba jadi insan berguna. kerana naluri manusia itu, semua mahukan kebaikan.

cuma kadangkala belum tersentuh hatinya untuk menghargai2 masa2 yang berlalu tanpa henti. pada kadar yang sama. tak kira masa. walau tidur, walau beribadah, walau sedang mabuk dibuai arak dunia, walau gembira bagai baru mendapat durian runtuh, walau sedih dengan hati hancur luluh. masa tetap berlalu...

cuma kadangkala kurang tabahnya, untuk terus menerus mencari jalan ke arah penambahbaikan. yang kadangkala tersentak dek bicara sinis rakan, atau terpesona melihat insan lain "gembira" dengan kelalaian, atau hilang percaya kerna dosa2 lampau yang masih bermain di fikiran. Allah itu Maha Pengampun. cari dan carilah keampunan dan kebaikan, walau 1000 kali kau jatuh, atau tercucuk duri ketika mencari...

saya, dan kamu, tak terlepas dari ujian Allah SWT. smoge Ramadhan yang hampir habis ditempuhi memberi kekuatan untuk kita terus beramal dan berubah kepada yang lebih baik. sebagai orang Islam, kita patut yakin dan percaya segala kesakitan dan kerosakan yang melata di bumi nih ada ubat dan jawapannua pada Islam~

***

selamt hari raya, maaf zahir batin. Eid Mubarak~xyah la letak gamba ye, korang pon dah tengok melambak kat internet :)

selamat mengejar perubahan, now and always~

24 ramadhan...

hmm... Saje2 try update blog guna phone... Testing2... Hehe

Hari nih buat kuih raya... Utk hari raya... Seperti biasa minggu akhir ramadhan setiap tahun rumah mesti sebuk buat kuih raya... Alhamdulillah, masih sempat tilawah baca al-quran (akhir2 ramadhan nh, xle tinggal, hehe) Memandangkan update pki phone, xleh upload gambar... Keke

2 minggu lagi, dah nk balek ke leeds... Smoga semangat utk belajar melambung tinggi selepas cuti panjang nih, dan smoga menjadi lebih matang dan bertanggungjawab. Hehe...

Yelah, tgk kawan2 skolah dah start bekerja... Terasa diri dah tua. Hehe. Probably its time to leave my childish hobbies behind... Tp sgt best, hehe.