3rd year

It's already the first weekend of 3rd year. What an intimidating week. Partly because of the foreshadowing of the workload that's gonna come suck me dry. Partly because there's gonna be an exam in week 6, which means there's only 4 weeks left, before the exam week.

And partly because I don't think I am adequately ready to go through this academic year. Not mentally, and not emotionally. Why is it so hard to let go of things that I know will only be one of the many factors that are going to drag me down the hole. Why can't I be more objective in determining what's good and bad for me?

If I knew growing up will be this hard, and if I had the chance to, and if it is possible to, I would slow down my growth process. It would be really nice if I can go back to being the ignorant baby I was back then, when everything was right with my world and I would only be bothered when I feel hungry or uncomfortable of the warmth in my diaper.

Back to present time now, due to unforeseen circumstances, one of my housemates will be moving out of the house to another house. Although it is a stone throw away, it still isn't a pleasant thing. Especially when he's been my housemate for a whole year last year. But it has to be done, for the betterment of others.

My housemates this weekend (although it's only the first weekend this academic year) are around UK today. I went to the south somewhere near Southampton, one to Birmingham for an alleged "meeting", and another one is out of my radar. Think I either forgot to ask or it didn't register although I did ask. Probably the latter.

Thing's been wild. As the new house was like a hurricane-torn town when I arrived. Much has been done to "rebuild" it. Now it's waay better.

And, as usual, I've been collecting works to be done over the weekend, but I've been convincing myself (although it definitely untrue) that there are things more worthy to do in my free time. Like, browsing the internet, doing online shopping, and watching the new TV series like Grey's Anatomy and Big Bang Theory, or movies such as The Expandables. Yeah, life's been great. Amongst the whining I do about how LOADSABLYLOAADSS of workload I have. Well, to be perfectly honest, most of the work is going to occupy most of my time in the near future.

Sometimes I loathe people who tries so hard to show others how important and busy they are. Especially the ones who walks in front of others like a saint, but in reality isn't really. It's probably the satisfaction of looking down onto others by making themselves believe that they are a better than the others. Or the probably just like the attention that they get by acting all saintly and the praises that people say about them. Or It might just be the thought that other people seeing or knowing about their "bad" side is just unbearable. It is also possible that it's only me who are not very happy with others who are obviously better than me.

Enough to say I should be ready to take a leap of faith. And hopefully land on a mattress of a heap of cotton or feather. Well, the other outcome isn't that nice...

So, to summarise... I am really not in a stable condition... and I hope the sanity that I'm barely holding on to will stay with me for a while longer... and there's more works to come, so I better be ready. Thanks if you've read what I've been writing spontaneously out of my head. Do pray that the condition I'm in is going to turn for the better :)

cheers,
M