I Know~

Beloved Parents

Yes, I'm a son
But can't I express my feelings?
What is seen superficially
Can never indicate what's deep inside

I know life should go on...
But still I chose put it on hold...
For a while, maybe
Not forever, hopefully

I don't really know
Even a microscopic thing
Can now trigger a volcanic eruption

Still in sort of a trance state
Can't bear it
Can't comprehend
Can't or won't?

Accepting is one thing
Living with it is another

Walking around...
Though it seems lifeless, empty at times
But I still see the world
It still goes on... and on... and on...

Thanks for those who keep on supporting me
Giving me hope and realisation
That this isn't the end

And obviously I'm not OK
And I think there are times when it is OK to not be OK
So just don't ask whether I'm OK or not
Coz it really sounds bloody rhetorical

But I'm coping
Just not sure how well...

Really, I am...
I'm trying harder than the last semester
I'm trying harder every single day
I'm playing less than the last semester
I'm pursuing to be a better person
A better muslim, a better son, a better brother,
A better friend (really need to work on this one!)

But sometimes doing something different gives me an inner tranquility
And has a soothing effect
Be it... Not that I don't care what other people say
Just that I think I should care more about what I say~
Shouldn't we all?